Tissue didn't clean up the mess Part THREE

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The memory is quite vivid;
How I got entangled in these webs of lust
This despicable act has a genesis
Its revelation feels like a dream world away.
Twelve years and counting, I've hoped to stop
Finally! No more! Then an uglier head comes up
No one has ever found out
But I've let few people in, regrettably.
They try so hard to hide their disappoinment
I could see right through them.
The unseen gasps and screams of surprise:
No one would have thought... they thought
Normal for all lads your age...they said.
Spiritual, moral, so-so...they wondered
How could he, the preacher...they whispered.
Since everyone sympathises with a survivor,
I lay emphasis on it being a practice of the past,
Stating my brief atheism stint as a backstory.
I wish someone could hold my hands
And whisper comfort to my ears
My silence is a scream for help -
Help I need but can't ask for.
No doubt a mess and an object of disgust
Sigh! Frustrations, I need to chill off.
Head raised up, there's the lube.